For any of you who have known me, and/or known me prior to having Chi Chi, it’s really no secret that I, Samantha, have ALWAYS loved her junk food. Soda, jalapeno chips, fast food, candy… You name it, I loved it.
Prior to having my child, I never really cared about what I was eating. I was a teenager; we weren't supposed to “care.” Even after having her, I still ate crap all the time. I was 20 when I had Chi Chi so I was still fairly young enough “not to care” about what food or drinks I was putting into my body.
Sure, I wanted that young Britney Spears looking tummy with the Carrie Underwood legs, but I just could not wrap my head around giving up my junk food or drinks. I was never someone who loved spending time in a gym and at the time, I wouldn't even be caught dead in one either. HOWEVER. With that being said about the gym, I LOVED playing sports and was always athletic. That was the only thing that kept me relatively fit. Playing sports to work out was my alternate to keeping in shape.
I was 130 pounds when I graduated high school up until 20 years old when I first got pregnant with Chi Bug. After I had her and after I had turned 21, my weight went way down hill. I turned 21 in November of 2008 and was legal to drink. I did what 21 year old's do. Drank my weight in cans, shot glasses, whatever they came in. By January of 2009, my dad’s side of the family was suffering from the losing my grandmother [my dad’s mother] and some of us couldn't really cope with it. We spent the entire month at her house waiting for her to let go of life and to cope, I, of course turned to food and booze to comfort me.
After that, I continued with my journey of food, sugar drinks [as well as alcoholic ones], and ZERO exercise. I continued on that road for quite some time, almost 2 years. In the spring and summer of 2011, I started thinking about maybe getting out of my “funk” and try to thin out. My bestie, Miss Tiffany, and I started working out at our then, apartment’s 24 hour gym and would walk 5 miles on top of that. We did this for about a month or two and then I realized I was slimming down. We kept at it everyday, and I went from a size 10 down to a size 4, and some brands, a tiny size 2…
THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.
I was always a size 8. Even when I was rail, tweaker looking thin in high school (for the record, I've never done drugs in my life so don’t over analyze my reference lol) , I was STILL always size 8.
SIZE 8. Not 4… Not 2… BUT SIZE 8. That was my number.
Now, lets not take that to mean that I didn't want to be a 4 or a 2. I loved it. I wanted to stay that way. But once I cut the weight, I started cutting out the exercise portion too. I figured I lost it, so I can afford to not work out today. Then after that, I suffered another very personal loss [that I will NOT share, so don’t ever ask] so I again, turned back to my food for comforts. Needless to say, I did gain my weight back. I was roller coastering. I went back up to a size 6. Then an 8. Then a 10. Then when I quit caring all together. I just ate, drank and ate some more. I never got my motivation back to start maintaining my weight. I felt like I was just suffering losses, which made me emotionally unmotivated to do anything.
The years of 2012 and 2013 were nothing but losses. One of the key losses I had that actually had prevented me from getting my ass back in a gym was when I had my first ever surgery in January of 2013. I had my left ovary removed and my doctor prohibited me from any exercising or anything that would make me overexert myself.
Cool story bro. While I was doing so well at going through losses and losing everything, I figured I’ll start on my weight loss journey.
Well crap, never mind cause now I had to have surgery and lose my ovary before I could lose my weight. I had to WAIT to lose WEIGHT. I didn't want to wait any longer than I was putting it all off. I wanted to start. I was desperately wanting to get my body, health and my "life" back together. I felt like crap being a blob and wanted that to change. It was the most depressing, gloomy, dark feeling... And it got lonely hating it.
Well fast forward to my one year post op appointment. The doc makes sure everything healed correctly and at the same time she KNOWS how bad I want to start getting back into the gym and start working out again and get my mind, body and health back to where I wanted it. Then she surprises me with: “I know you’ve been waiting a whole year or so to be able to do this… you are in the clear to start and I’m giving you the go ahead.”
Can I get a “Sam can work out and lose weight HOO-RAH” ?!
Well she gave me the go ahead and I still didn’t start lol. I waited 3 months later until I had a job and funds to pay for it all and I finally started. At first I thought, I’ll get my membership to the gym with my kid sis and we’ll go and that’s all. Again, I wanted to eat what I wanted remember? Well that plan only worked for so long…I was following a couple of fitness pages on Instagram, then that lead to more. And more. AND MORE. Then I just finally… snapped.
When I snapped, I snapped the hell out of it.
I wanted to work out. I wanted to sweat. I wanted to eat/drink CLEAN. I wanted to DETOX. I wanted it all.
It has been 3 months since I stopped eating fatty, crappy foods. 3 months since I quit drinking every sugar drink. I have been eating clean and learned portion control. I am drinking WATER all day, everyday. I am doing a DETOX. I am working out and walking 5 miles a day again. I have done all of this and in the last month, I have lost weight and inches off my belly. I have turned into the one thing I thought I’d never be… A health nut!
And you know what? I don’t regret it one damn bit.
I really learned it wasn't just something you want to do and you go buy it. Its something you have to openly COMMIT to whole heartedly and mentally. You can't just say I want it and have it handed to you. Its only worth as much as the time you put into it all. I have changed my ENTIRE lifestyle for this. This is my new way of life and i am not turning back. Not ever. Yes it has been a tough road but if it were easy, everyone would do it. If I can accomplish it, so can you! I was in denial before, clouded with excuses and letting things block my way. Things have changed for me, complete 180 and I never thought I would love it as much as I do. It's the most amazing, rewarding feeling.
I am continuing with this. I WILL. I WILL DO IT and commit to this. I have changed SO much already and I’m doing the best I have EVER done. I’m on that different type of high. A different addiction. I love how amazing I feel and how I am starting to look. I am doing this for me and my daughter. I don’t want to live the lifestyle I was living in the past. I am doing this for me because it is the best thing for me and the best thing for my daughter. It is important for me to set the kind of example of the person I want her to grow up to be. I don’t want her to grow up seeing me smoke, drinking all the time, eating nothing but junk and not taking care of your body. I don’t want that lifestyle for her when she becomes an adult. Its very important to me that I raise and keep a healthy child.
This is for me. This is for her. This is for us.