Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Who I Am
Here. I. am!
The whole blogging idea seemed rather 50/50 with and without perks for me cause let's face it. I run out of ideas to write, rant and rave about and I tend to be a VERY private person. I don't really like to broadcast my life on the web but I was a Journalism major in high school, so obviously I liked to write, broadcast, storytell, blah blah blah... In that case, it was a little different because I knew what I was going to or what I was "mandated" to write about. Not so much the case here...
SO. With THAT being said, this post is just gonna be a bunch bullsh!t about me, my life, and my happinesses. (TRY not to get bored!)
"I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters. Not the mortgage, not the score, not my team and all their bullshit... For those 10 seconds or less, Im free..."
My story is a big chaotic race on this long stretch of highway called "Life."
First off- Forrest Gump taught me a valuable lesson BESIDES the fact that we all know that life is like a box of chocolates... He taught be that "I dont know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe its both, maybe its both happening at the same time."
My destiny came to me at age 20. I am a single mother of the most beautiful, most amazing little girl. She is the light of my life, my pride and joy. She is my one and only, once in a lifetime- love. I was scared because I didn't know if I could be a good mom. Life threw me a curve ball when I'm a high and outside, fastball hitter. I made my choices and made my fair share of mistakes but guess what. I'm human. I didn't know it when I had her but I was destined to be her mama. I got the best gift out of it and I couldn't imagine a life without her. I think most of the time, I think I need her more than she needs me. She's a sassy little pistol and has an attitude a country mile wide. Mighty big talk for some little britches. I love watching her grow day by day and every day she learns something new. She's so smart and the funniest little thing. I love her with my whole heart and don't know who or what I would be if she weren't in my life. Thank God for all I've missed cause it lead me here to this.
When I was a kid bee-boppin around, raisin Cain on horse farms and in a small town with my boy cousins and my mechanic of a dad workin on cars, I realized that wanted to be a NASCAR driver. I have a lead foot, total need for speed- and as all of my dad's side of the family knows (if they didn't, they know now lol) its just in our blood. But then, sadly, I grew up and had to think like a grown up. I learn when I was four years old that while watching 8 Seconds (one of my all time favorite movies) that Lane Frost tells us "Dont be afraid to go after what you want to do and what you want to be, but dont be afraid to be willing to pay the price." But what good ol' Lane didn't say outloud but said through his actions was "you can do what you want to do until it's time to start thinking about what you were MEANT to do." SO- what I was meant to do was going to school for Law Enforcement/ Criminal Justice to become a police officer or homicide detective; but having a small child prevented that from happening. Ya know, that "life" crap. So I work for a mortgage company and I. LOVE. IT. It is the best job I've ever had and I can't say nothing but positive things about it. So there you have it, a single, full time working mom with no husband. I'll just work my butt off and let love find me later cause 'Ain't nobody got time fo dat!'
I'm a mom. A career woman. A daughter. A grand-daughter. A sister. A neice. A cousin. A friend... I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. I have my dictions, I keep my share of secrets and things you'll never see. I get selfish and defensive and pay too much attention to my insecurities. My heart breaks for the homeless and less fortunate. I worry about my parents. All my bills are late. I laugh at silly movies, tear up when I see babies and I'm stubborn as a stone. I criticize my body, but I'm just like everybody else. I try to love Jesus and myself. I don't know what you believe or what you think of what you see. But this is a part of me, of what I do and who I am. I'm not made of stone, iron and nails, 10 foot tall and bulletproof. I hurt, I cry and I bleed too. All of my impurities are right here on my sleeve. THIS IS ME. Point being, I KNOW who I am and who I am not. I love scuffed up cowboy boots & broke in tore up jeans. A four wheel drive, eight point bucks & Rocky Road ice cream. Hell yes I love my dog and I love Jack D in my Coke.
I'm happy with what I have. I live to love and love to live. My happiness is what I make it. YOU make YOUR OWN happiness based on WHAT YOU need and WANT for your life no matter what ANYBODY says. Never let someone tell you "you can't" or "you aren't good enough." That should tell you more about who they are and what kinda "happy" they are.
I have who I am, I am who my babygirl is, I am who my family is.
What I need and want is this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful, beautiful life. <3